BodyATTACK

Working the floor at a restaurant like St. John, you walk at least 12k per shift on average (according to my colleague’s Fitbit). Its an insane amount of steps if you think about it but as its a part of my daily life, like cycling, I just maintain my weight instead of losing weight.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not on the power kick that everyone is into these days with 5:2 diets, Insanity workouts, or CrossFit. I’d just like to work out a bit more as I don’t move around as much as I’d like.

I started out by working out at home though I quickly stopped doing that as my housemate would walk in my room from time to time at the most inopportune moments.
Sweaty Laura in the middle of doing an ab work out that requires having her legs apart and crunching forwards. Trust me, that is not a pretty image to walk in on. Just ask my housemate.

Therefore, I joined a gym.
It was quite cheap and ย a 2 min walk from my flat which means I have no excuse now. However, I did not join a gym to be a hamster on a treadmill or cycle in place with a concrete wall in front of my path. No, I joined a gym because I figured the classes offered would change up my work outs which brings me to my story….

The other day I took the “BodyAttack” class offered which essentially is a full on, high-energy cardio workout. The description said “burn 700 calories on average”.
To be honest, I skipped the description. I just choose the next class available.
I thought, 45 min of cardio…how hard could that be? Its not even an hour. I cycle two hours a day on average. Easy peasy.

Boy was I wrong.

As soon as I walked in, an average looking instructor started the class by introducing herself and asking who the fresh meat was.

I was the only newbie.

There were three other girls in the class which made things a bit less intimidating as I am used to being in Parkour classes where 99.9% of an average class consists of males.
The teacher was average. Even I looked more athletic than she did but I guess looks are deceiving.

The class started out with a simple but intensive warmup.
15 min into class I was red as a tomato and my heart was beating out of my chest.
At one point, the teacher provided us with alternatives for the exercises we were doing.
We could either lung, squat, and then do a burpee or we could lung, squat, do a burpee, 5 pushups, a backflip and then kick our leg to touch our ear. These alternatives were just insane.

I stuck with the lung and then squat.

30 min into class I was ready to collapse. I was just about ready to throw my hands up and say, “F*** this, but I carried on (mainly because the teacher was blocking the exit).
I then finally understood why they called the class “BodyATTACK” as that was exactly what it felt like. I felt muscles hurt that I did not even know existed. Also, I walked out of class at the end of the 45 minutes with a cramp on my right butt cheek. No idea why it was not on both sides… I am still trying to figure out the mystery.

Before the end we took 5 minutes to ‘cool down’.
Listen, I am no personal trainer but I am pretty sure a COOL DOWN should not involve push-ups. Just saying.

At the end of class the teacher applauded everyone for their effort while I laid out on the floor like a starfish trying to catch my breath, creating a pool of sweat beside me.
She then said words that almost made me laugh out loud, “doesn’t that make you want to go out and run for a bit?”
NO. That does not make me want to go out and run for a bit. That work out makes me want to go out and eat a large pizza, (which I did not do by the way).

I did however end up cycling around for an hour as it was such a lovely day out.
I also picked up a coffee for my housemate and walked into his room still sweating and red.
He then dared to say, “did you get tired from picking up coffee?”
I’ll deal with him in time…

That is all folks.
I have to go now as I have an urgent appointment with my bed.
It is nap time.

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